


when you hear my words it reminds me I'm solid matter

by elegantidler



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera - Gaston Leroux
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Parental Abuse, Pre-Canon, Trans Character, Trans Erik, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26261152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantidler/pseuds/elegantidler
Summary: Transphobes, terfs, and excusers are invited to drop dead
Relationships: Christine Daaé/Erik | Phantom of the Opera
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	when you hear my words it reminds me I'm solid matter

**Author's Note:**

> Transphobes, terfs, and excusers are invited to drop dead

His mother had always said that because he was different and frightful, he could never hope to ever really be accepted.

Every morning she had given him his mask and told him that he could never raise his voice, could never ask for anything. He was a monster and he must be satisfied with what was cast off. He was worth nothing more than the scraps from respectable society.

Don’t disturb the water. Don’t take up space. Be _nothing_. 

Once, so desperate to see the world outside his walls, he had snuck into town at dusk.

He had been met with screams and jeers and when his mother had finally come to fetch him she had yelled at him and told him he could not attack people like that.

And Erik had wept pitifully, tears soaking his mask, his mother’s grip too tight on his skeletal hand.

After that, in an attempt to keep him small and tethered, his father told him again and again that as long as he wore his mask and behaved correctly and never set his sights higher than the ground, he would be okay, that he could survive.

Survive. Never _live_.

His whole life, this was what he knew.

He accepted it, accepted his place in the margins, in the basements, never asking for anything more.

It was an empty existence, but then again, it was more than he deserved.

It was this existence that had led him to his deal with Poligny. He had a box and a salary in exchange for his music; always performed anonymously. No recognition or glory for the monster in the basement.

“It’s magnificent. You’ve done it again, Erik. They’ll be talking about this piece for years to come,” Poligny would say, “and be sure none of the patrons see you on your way out.”

They could love his music but they would never love him.

Still he accepted it. This is what his mother and father had told him again and again until he knew his place.

This was the life he could have. Not a good life, but it was, perhaps, better than death. 

* * *

There is someone new at the opera house. Her name is Christine.

She sings beautifully when no one else is around, her voice drifting through the back rooms and hidden passages, straight to Erik’s heart and he follows it right to her.

And she! She speaks to his voice like she is speaking to any normal man, and sometimes he can see her smile at him through the seams in the wall.

When he sings with Christine he realizes that he is no longer content with his basement-dwelling life.

His parents, his manager, the director, they had all ground him into dust and had expected him to be grateful.

No more.

He wants _something_. 

He wants a life.

An ordinary life.

He wants Christine’s smile, and music, and walks on Sundays.

And he will fight for it with every fiber of his being.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from J. Jennifer Espinoza's 'My Trans Body' https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/12/06/poetry-rx-you-are-the-penultimate-love-of-my-life/


End file.
